I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
