I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
