I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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