dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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