His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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