How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
