Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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