i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
