remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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