real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize