you guys were way drunker than both of me
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Randomize
