i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
