please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
