Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
