Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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