I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
