Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
