Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Damn victory sex feels great
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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