Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
