she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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