as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The adults are the big ones right?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
