Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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