Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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