my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
