:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
