he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
