we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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