I just made out with a guy for $7.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
its liver damage thursday
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
