Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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