Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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