The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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