i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
