What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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