Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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