I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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