I can tuck mytits in my pants
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
