Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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