My friends, they love my intelligence
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Even my vagina gasped.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
