this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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