I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
