We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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