i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize