She is in my trunk
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize