its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
