Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
