I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
