There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
