think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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