Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
