What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
