i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
