as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
