my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
