Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
