At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
