new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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