so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
