Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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