dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
this is an emotional support booty call
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
