Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
