Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
