Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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