Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
