First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Can you bring me the toilet please
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
