"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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