You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
