Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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