So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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