Already got asked if we're dating
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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