If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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