People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
